


A Hand In Hers

by ayebydan



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Sirius Black Fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:06:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayebydan/pseuds/ayebydan
Summary: When Sirius Black realises his soul-mate is a muggleborn he feels the situation for several years despite them being in the same house.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: 2019 Sirius Black Fest





	A Hand In Hers

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 2 Sirius and Lily dislike each other, but they're also soulmates.  
**Disclaimer: ** Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.  
**Notes:** Thanks to the mods for the time and for my non fandom friends who suffered my ramblings and C who betad even though she hates fic.

Sirius and Lily have never liked each other. Sirius does not like to say it is because she is Muggleborn but it really does all start with that. Soul-mates only happen in magical communities and so Muggleborns grow up never understanding the slight pull they feel from within at all times until it is explained as part of their new world. It even helps them fit in; a confirmation that they were right and something _has_ been missing up until then. For them the seconds in which they meet their soul-mate for the first time and the red ribbons appear and join their hands together are a few moments of wonder. It is one of the things they brim with excitement about once they enter their new world. An anchor to hold on to in difficult times is the view that most take while a minority view it as being tied down and denied choice. Lily had been one of the excited ones and Sirius has never appreciated it. 

Being in the same year meant that they are more likely than most to find their other half quickly and indeed it happens before they even reach Hogwarts. Lily is heading towards the bathrooms as Sirius comes away and when their eyes meet they see red as the ribbon flares and reaches out to the space between them. Lily begins to gasp and flail her hands around her in excitement. Sirius feels the walls closing in around him. He knows _every_ pureblood in his year. Mother had made sure of that. When he had turned eleven with still no soul-mate in site Walburga had made it all too clear that it had better be that Sirius is far older or his intended is foreign.

This is a disaster.

%

Fleeing from his soul-mate was not one of Sirius Black's prouder moments but panic had him too closely gripped to do anything about it. He slams the door to his compartment so hard that the three boys sharing it with him flinch.

"Alright there, Sirius?"

"Fine," Sirius chokes out, "Just saw some seventh years. Looked like they were looking for a fight. Maybe at Christmas yeah? I mean, I know some spells but we have to get this pair caught up."

That has Remus back in the textbook he was showing the others. Their laughter helps dull the pounding in the heart of Sirius but he has the feeling that it won't end there. That girl will be after answers he does not have. 

Hopefully the sorting hat will separate them.

%

The hat does not separate them. The hat does nothing but slam down more nails in Sirius' coffin. Soul _mate_ is a Mudblood and now _he_ is a Gryffindor. It is as if the stars and gods themselves are aligned against him. He sits next to James utterly shell-shocked. There had been a clap on the shoulder but mostly James understood what it meant and left it be after murmuring about how his grandmother is a black and would never see family stuck. All but confirming that Sirius is doomed but he doesn't need to hear that from his distant cousin turned new best friend to know that. The murmurs around the hall said it all.

Everything is wrong. 

It is not like Sirius cares in the whole but there is only so many times one can shake off the ridicule. She had also sealed his fate. His family was lost to him the moment she confirmed it for all to hear. Mudblood. Gryffindor. Cast off. Orphan. Nowhere to go but _her_. 

"Sirius right? That is a lovely name."

He chokes out an agreement. What else is left?

%

Sirius does nothing to tell his parents but with cousins and his family's connections all around him there is no need. He wakes to his father's owl on the edge of his four-poster. James holds his trembling hand as he rips open the envelope. Remus and Peter look on in confusion and somehow Sirius can feel their friendship strengthen the more he feels ready to fall apart. A brotherhood forming.

_Dear Sirius,_

_Soul-mates and Hogwarts houses are not conscious choices. All actions continue to have consequences despite that. Respectfully remain at Hogwarts over Yule. Kreature will fetch you from the platform come the end of the school year._

_Orion Black_  
  
"I'll write to mum at lunch. You can come to mine," James states immediately after reading the letter over his new friend's shoulder.

"Don't recon the Castle would be too bad at Yule to be honest," Sirius murmurs in response before folding the letter up and sliding it back into the envelope. To be fetched after a school year by a House-Elf. His father has all but disowned him already and he is eleven. His only chance at staying in the family is if his brother turns out to be bonded to a Muggle and gets sorted Hufflepuff. As soon as the thought enters his mind Sirius feels _horrendous_. Reg doesn't deserve that. Merlin only knows what bullshit their parents are currently feeding him over breakfast. 

"You're not staying here alone when you have a perfectly good aunt and cousin at mines," James states firmly before getting to his feet and making his way towards his trunk in search of his uniform. 

"You're related?" Remus enquires softly, "I figured after last night you might be but-"

"His great-aunt is my dad's mum's …something. Something." James turns from his trunk, three buttons of his pyjama top undone, "We're cousins. Basically. For what matters. My mum will claim him. "

"Yeah. Like a stray dog," Sirius says with a hint of laughter on his tongue, "Something like that." 

Peter starts to shyly ask more questions about the Potters and Blacks and until he gets the Great Hall Sirius almost forgets his world is on fire.

Almost.

%

"Oh. Yeah. Awkward. But I guess your family have kind of made it clear what they think so why not say hullo?" James comments as he butters some toast, as if he had somehow forgotten about the whole soul mate situation.

"Then what, James? Nice to meet you but I was raised to loathe your kind? I mean I don't agree but can you please stop gawping at everything magical as it is nothing short of mortifying?!" Sirius rants, beginning at a normal tone and ending in a half shriek.

James, to his credit, merely pushes up his glasses. "Not sure that is how I would go about it to be fair."

"Suck Morgana's tit, Potter."

"Not sure that will help either," Peter comments, "But she is coming this way and looking rather excited so I'd think of something fast."

What Sirius thinks of is a mix of pureblood bile, determination that she never dictate his fate, and genuine fear. 

They cease to have a proper conversation for five years and it works just fine for him.

%

"Black. _Sirius_. Can we talk?"

Everything in Sirius arches up as if he is some sort of cat. He nods anyway and follows Lily away from the rest of the lions leaving the greenhouses and joins her on a lower path back up towards the Castle. 

"Still ignoring me then?"

"You asked to talk."

"So I did. Sirius, you can't ignore the connection between us forever despite how inconvenient it might be for-"

"Inconvenient," he murmurs, his steps halting and his gaze remaining on the bronzed earth. "I've lost so fucking much for you."

"Yet you won't risk even talking to me? Wh-What do you still have to lose?"

"If you have to ask me that then you have no idea and should not be talking to me at all."

Her noise scrunches up at that and Sirius notices her chest heave with the strain of biting back whatever retort had been on the edge of her lips. It is somewhat cute on her if Sirius is honest. 

"You wish to be alone forever then? You do not want to even talk about the idea of having a family and a house with a nice garden to go flying in and someone to go home to at night? I have seen you looking at girls and heard you flirting but did not think you wanted to spend your life as some sort of celibate monk just to spite me!"

"What is a monk?" Sirius asks in genuine bewilderment, " We have not covered those in Muggle Studies."

"_Black_!" Lily sounds angrier now and something in Sirius stirs. Something warm that is both amused and happy to see her flushed cheeks and reactions from her. "Please, Hogsmeade is this weekend. Can we get a drink together? "

His mind screams no but his tongue remains firmly attached to the roof of his mouth as he continues to scuff the dirt with his shoe. He _is_ getting older and the relationship with his family has only got steadily worse despite him firmly blanking the existence of Lily. Regulus had dutifully sorted Slytherin and the previous year found his soul-mate in Diagon Alley, a pureblood heiress that suited their mother just fine. There was no redemption to be had for Sirius. Still, until he was old enough to move out he remained vulnerable. On the other hand though, Andromeda was now married and graduated to her muggleborn soul-mate and if push came to shove she might be able to get legal custody of him until his seventeenth if the Potter's couldn't. 

"Black?"

"Sorry? Oh. Yes. Ok. Shit. This is a terrible idea. I'll meet you at the Broomsticks though. Say eleven. We can get a private room and talk properly without an audience leering," he mutters. 

"So you can deny it happened later?" Lily asks haughtily and Sirius admits he brought that one down upon himself. 

"No, so you can get the answers you deserve. If I do this Lily then I'm all in. I'm that sort of guy."

%

"I am…not entirely sure what you want me to tell you, Padfoot? I have yet to meet my soul-mate and-"

"Yes, yes Remus," Sirius snaps with a wave of his hands as they make their way along the seventh floor corridor. The Hufflepuff prefect is sick and Sirius has taken the time to get Remus utterly alone. "You know how to..how to…_be_ with people."__

_ _"Be with people?" Remus drawls with a hint of sarcasm, "Sirius we live with thousands of-"_ _

_ _"No! Dammit Moony! You know well enough what I am talking about!"_ _

_ _"Yes, yes, the Evans situation."_ _

_ _"Don't call it that."_ _

_ _"Oh, so what should I call it?"_ _

_ _"Pretty much anything else," Sirius snaps as they round a corner to see two kids making out at which he brandishes his wand and sends them scarpering due to a pair of stinging hexes._ _

_ _"Sirius! That is not what we do."_ _

_ _"Are they or are they not on their way back to their dorms?"_ _

_ _"Pads…come on," Remus grumbles. _ _

_ _The desperation must show enough in his face because Remus rolls his eyes and dutifully helps Sirius form sort of plan as how to be a human come the weekend._ _

_ __ _

%

For all of the threats that have been thrown his way over the years Orion Black has always filled his son's money pouch with gold. It is _his_ reputation on the line if Sirius is seen to struggle to get by. For years now Sirius has spent some and saved more and been eternally grateful to his aunt and uncle at the Potters, as they insist they are called, for the top ups that keep up appearances. It gets the room from Rosie and a nice lunch to add to that too. He gets a knowing look but look so serious in return that Rosie drops the games and makes doubly sure that the room is in good shape before leaving with a grasp of Sirius' shoulder.

When Lily knocks on the door Sirius all but jumps from the chair on his way to open it. 

"Let me take your cloak. I'll hang it by the fire to keep warm. Rosie left cold butterbeer and a platter of…stuff. I just worked from stuff I've seen you eat at the Castle. Hope it is ok." 

Lily is still standing by the door when Sirius turns back to her, clearly puzzled at his behaviour. It irks him and sets them off on a bad foot, "What? I know how to show some fucking manners, Evans."

Brisling she crosses the room the other armchair in front of the fire and violently sends the top of a butterbeer bottle flying with her wand, "You wanted privacy you got it so the floor is yours."

He seethes and it shows and only seems to rile Lily more as she observes him watching her.

"Spit it out, Black. I'm not made of porcelain."

"No, but you are made of Muggle which is entirely the problem in my life. Not for me but about me."

She rolls her eyes, "I am aware of that. But my blood is going to stay the same and by all I have heard your parents are not in line for a sudden change of heart either but I am sure that you know both points there yet…here we are.

"Here we are," Sirius murmurs as he throws himself down into the armchair opposite his soul mate while watching Lily violently stab a small tomato with a tiny silver stick. He spends too long fixated on the additional danger the pub has created for Moony and by the time he is thinking again his soul-mate his angry. Again. 

"Do you ever fucking listen?"

"Yes. I just had my mind on other things. Important ones that are not of your concern but if this whole soul mate thing does pan out well you will know."

"That does not make sense," Lily snaps.

"Truth though."

"Why did you bring me here?"

"To talk," Sirius says honestly.

"Then do so!"

"Alright! Morgana, calm your tits! Stop! You know how I meant it. Sit DOWN woman. Alright, well, you know I am part of the Black family and I am sure you realise the rest of the family are shit."

"Your brother seems quiet."

"Regulus knows when to keep his mouth shut. Different thing."

"Well….if we are going to talk….why not start there?"

"With Reg?" Sirius asks uncomfortably before grabbing forward for a few slices of cucumber to occupy his hands, " I guess. Two years younger and sorted into Slytherin like a good boy. His friends are all purebloods. His soul-mate is a pureblood. It ticks all the boxes our parents want. I don't. "

"I don't fit at home either, " Lily says quietly as she pulls her knees up onto the chair and drops her shoes to the floor. Sirius is shocked but says nothing in case it stops the other Gryffindor from talking. 

"My sister, Petunia, is two years older than me and she loathes everything I am. She loved it when we were kids. She wanted magic herself. But now she…she hates me. She wants my parents to hate me. She's getting married soon. It has been made clear I only have an invite because mother made her. "

"Sorry," Sirius states, rather flatly but he does not know what else to state and she looks so damn sad. 

"Is what it is," Lily states so rigidly that it makes Sirius feel a connection. He has felt that way too. He gets to his feet and drags the seat he is in across the room until he is closer, and diagonally, from Lily. She stares in bewilderment. He would be bewildered too. 

"I don't know what you thought you were going to get it but will not be the Black Lordship. It will not be a fortune. They will disown me as soon as it is socially acceptable. I will only have what I earn. I can't give you anything else."

Looking back he should have expected the slap to the face. The screaming. No, Evans never wanted anything but a hand in hers. That he can and will give.


End file.
